Today I had to pre-register for my operation and tomorrow I go for my pre-op labs. Given I've had my share of surgeries, I'm used to the questions they ask to ensure they have all the necessary information. I've been keeping a pretty positive attitude about this surgery because I know that it's routine for the neurosurgeon. I also have faith that it's the right thing to do to address some of my chronic pain issues. However, I think this registration today brought some unexpected anxieties. Plus - I can't take any of the medications that help me control my pain, so I'm a real peach right now. I wake up in pain, I go to sleep in pain and I hate it. Steve teaches on Wednesday nights, so the kids are having to fend for themselves with a combination of books, Olympics and the tablet. They are fed, they are clothed, and will be situated as my natural heating pads when it's time to go to bed. I remind myself every night to not give in to the guilt I feel about my limitations, keeping my anger in check is no picnic either.
When I was answering the nurse's questions this morning, I was suddenly taken aback when she made some suggestions for what clothing I should pack, you know, as a brain surgery patient. The logical person in me knows that's what this is, brain surgery, but it was weird to actually hear it. Then, as I'm trying to answer the questions about my health care proxy and religious preferences, I had this overwhelming panic set in. I felt like I hadn't prepared myself at all, for anything. In that moment, I was feeling overwhelmed with work stuff, but as the day went on, I really felt the fear of not having the family prepared. I know I've worked out logistics for next week, but I feel irresponsible for not solidifying the logistics of life in a will. So, legalzoom.com and I are becoming good friends over the weekend. Super Bowl weekend, we had a party while we got our taxes done; Presidents' Day weekend we'll have a will party. We Parrotheads always say, "Party with a Purpose" ;-)
When I was answering the nurse's questions this morning, I was suddenly taken aback when she made some suggestions for what clothing I should pack, you know, as a brain surgery patient. The logical person in me knows that's what this is, brain surgery, but it was weird to actually hear it. Then, as I'm trying to answer the questions about my health care proxy and religious preferences, I had this overwhelming panic set in. I felt like I hadn't prepared myself at all, for anything. In that moment, I was feeling overwhelmed with work stuff, but as the day went on, I really felt the fear of not having the family prepared. I know I've worked out logistics for next week, but I feel irresponsible for not solidifying the logistics of life in a will. So, legalzoom.com and I are becoming good friends over the weekend. Super Bowl weekend, we had a party while we got our taxes done; Presidents' Day weekend we'll have a will party. We Parrotheads always say, "Party with a Purpose" ;-)
Blessings! Courage! Peace! Your caring style is taking over your brain, isn't it? Surprised you have room for pain receptors to take over. Our love and great good wishes are yours. We'll be relieved when this is behind you.
ReplyDelete