I've been having trouble today - or maybe it's today's date. I felt pretty hopeful and content on New Year's Eve and New Year's Day, but now that it's January 2nd, the reality of the new year and all the expectations I have for it are overwhelming me.
I had my infusion treatment today and sitting for a couple of hours, attached to an IV snaps you right back into your current existence; kind of ruined the YMCA-Uptown Funk-New Year's vibe I had going. So, I'm not the best person to be around today. Jack came into the bedroom saying, "Mom, we haven't seen you in awhile" and although I simply said to him, "yeah, I'm not feeling so great", I thought to myself, "mom is not in today."
I started this blog one year ago - January 1, 2014.
I said on that first post, "I write this blog with the hopes that a new year will inspire me to write about the important moments and catalysts that helped me get to my 40th year and share the new stories that hopefully get me 40 more years."
As I read this sentence, I just shook my head and laughed out loud; that sentence makes life and what you write about it sound so simple. Of course, it isn't. Life is full of all kinds of messy unexpected complications and interruptions.
As my health was getting worse, I was really nervous about writing the blog. I felt conflicted about what to write. The Gin one year ago had an entirely different plan and now, this Gin, is living in an alternate universe with a uncharted course ahead of her.
Reflecting on this past year, I can (usually) recognize how much I (and Steve, Jack and Anna) have been through and accomplished. It's a weird feeling to accomplish something you never wanted to do - no one really plans on having a cancer to-do list.
It's every accomplishment, no matter how big or small, that I know I need to be proud and thankful for.
So, I'm glad I kept writing and I thank you for reading.
I am also thankful for the Fredericksburg Parent & Family magazine for adding me as a blogger this year. Please check it out at http://www.fredericksburgparent.net/blogs/pink-ribbon-journey
Here goes year #2 - the toddler years. Happy 2015. Be kind to one another.