Mums

Mums (aka Grammy) would have turned 70 today.  Sadly, she died on October 21, 2013 and her death was all the more painful because we had to watch our children experience the loss of a grandparent.  Jack and Anna now have one living grandparent, my mother.  I lost all my grandparents by the age of 13 and I definitely remember feeling a void especially when so many of my friends had large families with lots of cousins, aunts, uncles, and grandparents.  I cherish the friendships I've made over the years because those individuals have really been the extended family I and my family needed in good times and in bad.

Jack and Anna were born after my father died (November, 1997) and Steve's father died (June, 2006).  Trying to keep the memory of our fathers alive is something I try, almost desperately at times, to do for them.  And now, the thought of their memories of Grammy slowly fading is heart-breaking.  So, I write today with the hope that by journaling some of my memories, I'm honoring our Mums, Elaine Schaffer, Grammy to Corey, Dillon, Matthew, Logan, Jack, and Anna.

Our son Jack was born on June 17, 2008.  He was the 5th grandchild (and 5th boy) to be born on my husband's side of the family.  We had our own basketball team in the making!  Mums and Steve's younger sister, Susan couldn't wait to come visit us in Boston.  Mums didn't fly - she had a pretty paralyzing fear of flying and definitely let us know how much she hated it when we traveled by plane.  So, Susan, along with her husband and 2 children, drove Mums from Pittsburgh to come see us.  As a brand new mom, I wasn't really ready for a crew of visitors to come see us.  The thought of "hosting" anyone exhausted me and I had barely figured anything out in that first few weeks, but I knew it was important to Mums that she come as soon as possible.  I might have been a new mom, but I could understand her need to lay eyes on and hold her infant grandson just as she had done with the four that came before. I also had to depend on Steve to take care of things and give up some control -- something I'm not good at (surprise!). 

Mums' love for her children and grandchildren was unconditional and steadfast.  She made us all laugh and really smiled the most when she was around her grandchildren.  Whenever we had to say good-bye, Mums had this sweet, almost weepy way about her that was a look all her own - a look that made you feel so overwhelmingly loved.  When Mums held Jack for the first time, she was simply radiant.  I remember how very excited she was to bring Jack an assortment of new outfits.  We had been so fortunate to receive hand-me-downs from my sister and sisters-in-law, so I didn't want her to feel that she had to go to the trouble of getting too many clothes, but Steve was like, "no, you let the grandmothers do what they want, Gin."  There I go again - trying to control things!  Of course, those outfits she bought became my most favorite and Steve was wise to take many a picture of Jack wearing them.

Steve and I have been partners for 20 years and for a good bit of that time I watched Mums struggle with mobility.  Her knees in particular had caused her problems over the years, so we knew any time she traveled to see us or meet us somewhere, she really was stretching herself both physically and emotionally.  In the fall of 2009, I was so very proud of Mums when she took the train from Pittsburgh to NYC where we met her to spend the night and show her some sights of the city.  We then drove back to Boston so that we could treat her to classic New England fall festivals with hay rides and apple picking - I remember so vividly her attention to Jack being warm enough.  Every aspect of his outfit had to be just so.  Mums used every ounce of energy she had on that trip and it was clear to us that we would probably need to get creative for future family visits and I'm really thankful we did.

Anna Elaine Schaffer arrived on May 10, 2011.  It was exciting to have grandchild #6 be a girl.  Mums fell into her classic weepy happiness when we told her.  We named our daughter after Mums and Steve's grandmother - and she has certainly lived up to her namesake.  Anna is full of love, life, and attitude!  The picture above was taken during our family vacation to Amish country and Hershey Park during the summer of 2012.  It was our first attempt to meet somewhere that would reduce the strain of travel on Mums; our party of 13 had such a great time that we did it again the following summer in Niagara Falls, NY.

Of course, we didn't know our time was running out with Mums during the summer of 2013.  She had been suffering from some stomach ailments, but nothing definitive had been discovered, so I know I kind of put myself on an auto-pilot of sub-conscious denial that there was really anything wrong with her.  Then, the tables turned and I was hospitalized with viral meningitis in mid-August, 2013.  I had plenty of time on my hands being alone in that hospital room and so I talked to Mums quite a bit on the phone.  I'm so glad I got to have those chats with her.  She told me, "you gotta take care of yourself -- you are the mother of MY grand-babies!"  I will forever remember my marching orders, Mums.  We love you, we miss you - you are in our hearts forever.